I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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