Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
