Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
