You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
