My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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