If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
