My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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