I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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