you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
