Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
