idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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