There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
