Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
