He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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