Pappa wants mamma naked
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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