Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
