i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
