my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
