my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
