I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
