After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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