I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
