Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
