Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize