bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
