I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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