at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
