Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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