There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
