i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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