My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
