He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
