Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
