Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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