totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
