I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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