No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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