Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize