My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
