i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
