Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
