she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
