I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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