At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
