Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
