I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
