I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
