she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
