Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
