So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
