he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
