there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
