is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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