I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize