We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
