i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
