If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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