Having a random hookup so left but love u
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
