Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
