So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
