She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
