I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
