There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
