tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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