First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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