Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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