You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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