a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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