Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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