he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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