You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
