I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drake has all the answers
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
